I think we can all agree, it's
not easy being vulnerable. Taking down our shield of armor and letting our true
selves be known is scary. What will people think? Will they still like me? Will
they think I'm crazy? Will they still be my friend? I'm not a narcissist, it's
not always all about me. Life is so much bigger than all that. We all suffer
with our own fears and insecurities, and yet so many are out there suffering
the same thing you are, but are feeling so isolated and alone. If you could
help just one person know that they aren't alone in their suffering and that
life will get better, wouldn't you want to?
Take a deep breath and think
back to the last time you were going through one of these times that truly tore
you apart from the inside out where you felt your world was falling apart. What
were you feeling? At what point did this feeling start? Was there a trigger
event that led to this feeling? Was there anything that helped calm you during
this time? Now let me tell you one of my stories.....
Here's some background. In
2016, I was 52 years old and I had a heart attack, called Broken Heart
Syndrome. It was all due from stress. Prior to this attack, I had been very
stressed out due to several family issues and a couple of family deaths. Then
on this particular day, my stress levels at work skyrocketed out of control.
That even my husband took me to the hospital to get checked out and the next
day I went into cardiac arrest. I watched my husband being escorted out of my
hospital room as I watched my EKG machine line disappear and the nurse call for
the paddles.
Fast forward six months, I
survived. I went through a lot and suffered with a lot of anxiety as a result
of this experience. So much so that to this day, whenever my blood pressure
spikes or I feel palpitations it freaks me out. I have been rushed to the
hospital twice this year alone with anxiety attacks that feel so much like my
heart attack, I feel like I have gone back in time reliving that day.
I've learned over the years to
look for trigger signs so that I can immediately work on calming myself. A lot
of times it works, but sometimes it gets away from me. A trigger sign for
me, is when I start rubbing on my chest trying to calm myself. My therapist
helped me realize this during a session when she asked how I was feeling and
what I was doing at the time that helped to calm me. So now whenever I realize
I'm rubbing my chest, I start talking to God asking for his strength and to
calm my anxiety. God has been a huge comfort and I know that I'm not alone,
even though it sure feels like it at times. I remember screaming out to him in
my mind right before my heart attack, "God, I'm not ready to die!" He
saved me that day and he's saved me every day since then.
What I've learned over the
years is that we cannot control anyone else. We can only control ourselves and
our reactions. Don't think ahead because tomorrow is all made up in your mind
of what if's. Only God knows what tomorrow brings and there is enough stress
for today to worry about. Take it one day at a time and know that God has a
plan and He always wants what's best for everyone. We may not see or understand
His perspective, but one day, hopefully, we will see all of the puzzle pieces
come together and Jesus standing there with His arms wide open ready to receive
us. As I get older, I love seeing these puzzle pieces come together. As I look
back now on times like these, I can see God was there the entire time sitting
right next to me holding my hand through it all. And He is there with you as
well.
Take another deep breath and
breathe in His presence.
